Star Wars: The Operatic Menace
by ex-LongLongHair
Summary: Strange things happen when you're learning about opera in music theory. This is one of them. The title says it all.


Star Wars: The Operatic Menace

A/N: I don't quite know what came over me-something to do with learning about opera in music theory I suppose. Little bits and pieces of Star Wars: The Operatic Menace came into my mind. I just had to write it down. Oh well, read it at your own risk. You'll have to use your imagination though. I haven't set this to music. (Imagine silly costumes and high voices)

Ben Kenobi's little desert hut

Luke:My life is sad, I know,

I'm a farm boy, I don't know much,

I live on a backwater planet.

Oh what to do? I'm out of touch,

Now I've got these droids,

An old man, who's off his rocker

This lightsaber thingy, a hologram

Of a girl who's got great knockers.

Ben:You know, I knew your parents, Luke,

Your mother and your father.

Your father died-no, was murdered, by

An evil guy called Vader.

Luke:How did this happen? I must go

To avenge his death, how,

I do not know.

Maybe I'll kill him-bam! Pow!

Mwahahaha!

Ben:You cannot do this yet, boy

You'll need training first

Luke:Yes I can! I am invincible!

I need to quench my thirst

Of blood, death and all those things,

Though how I do not know.

Ben:Well, at least take me to the nearest town

And from there I will go-

Luke:Where? How? What? I cannot!

My uncle! My aunt! The farm!

Ben:It's all gone by now, Luke

Don't worry, it's no cause of alarm

They're probably exterminated,

Wiped out, you see?

We can't do anything now

So come with me to Mos Eisley.

The Mos Eisley cantina.

Ben:We are looking for a pilot

Han:A pilot?

Ben:To take us to Alderaan.

Han:That's easy, but whatever for?

Ben:No business of yours, just us and the droids.

Han:No cargo?

Ben:No cargo, and we will cause no trouble.

Han:I will have to charge a lot.

Ben:No matter, we will pay

Han:2 thousand!

Luke:What the hell? We can get our own ship for that!

Han:But you won't have me.

Luke:And who are you?

Han:I can make the fastest Kessel run.

Luke:Doesn't mean anything to me.

Han:If you think you are so good, then go and get your own ship.

Ben:Luke, be quiet. Han, you will also get 15 thousand from the Alderaanian government.

Han: 17 thousand? Done!

Ben: Then let us go.

Luke: We will go.

Han: Meet me at bay 59.

Ben: 59 it is.

The battle at Cloud City

Luke:I know who you are!

Vader:Yes, Luke. You hide your fear well.

Luke:I am not afraid!

Vader: Yoda has taught you well.

Luke:You are Vader!

Vader:Yes I am.

Luke:You will die!

Vader:I don't think so.

Chorus: Use the force, use the force, use the force, Luke.

Luke:What was that?

Vader:Doesn't matter. You will join me!

Luke:I will not!

Chorus: Do not fear, do not be angry, Luke.

Luke:I am not angry! I am not afraid! I will avenge my father's death!

Vader:Your father's death? He is not dead.

Luke:Ben said he was, Ben doesn't lie!

Vader:Ben was wrong.

Luke:How do you know?

Vader:Luke I am your father.

Luke:You are not!

Vader:I am. You know it to be true. Look inside of you.

Luke:It cannot be! It cannot be! I am related to him!

Vader:Now you will join me at the Emperor's side.

Luke:No! I will not! Go away!

Chorus: Do not fear, do not fear, Luke. Use the force, use the force, Luke.

Luke:Voices, go away! I can do this by myself! I need no help!

(Vader and Luke fight)

Vader:You are defeated. You will comply. Join me at the emperor's side.

Luke:Go away. I'm still alive. You will die. Goodbye! (Luke slides down the shaft)

***

Leia:I can hear him! I hear Luke! He is alive!

Lando:What, Princess?

Leia:Go back! Go back! He is alive!

Chorus: He is alive! He is alive!

Lando:I'm not going back!

Leia:He is alive! Go back!

Lando:I will not go.

Leia:Move aside then, I will fly!

Lando:You don't know how!

Leia:Yes I do! Now let's go!

Lando:Whatever, I cannot compete.

***

Luke:I cannot hold on for much longer. I will die. This is not good.

Leia:There he is! Lando, get him!

Lando:Okay then, Princess.

Luke:A saviour! A saviour! Hallelujah!

Leia:Oh Luke! You are alive! You have survived!

Lando:What of Han? He is still trapped.

Luke:What will we do? What will we do?

Leia:Go back to base, back to base first.

Luke:I agree.

Lando:But Han!

Chorus: Han! Han! Han Solo! Han! Han! Han Solo!

Luke:My hand was chopped off. How will I fight if I do not have my hand?

Leia:We must go, we must go. Get Luke's hand fixed first. Then we will go and save Han Solo.

A/N: Well, as you can see, a pesky chorus, weird sentences and a serious disregard for the real thing. (I can't help it if I haven't read the original trilogy for a few months!) Please review. I'd like to know what you think.


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